Who the Bleep did I marry?

I spent this past weekend at my aunt's house. My aunt is fantastic, and I could wax poetic about her. However, this particular post is about a trash TV show that we watched a marathon of. It's called "Who the Bleep Did I Marry," and it's about women who find out that their husband is a serial killer, serial rapist, or other unpleasant activity. One was a dentist who lost his license and ended up selling body parts that were not authorized.

The question in my mind the whole time is "How do you NOT KNOW that your husband is doing this?" I'm not sure I came to a conclusion, honestly. I can't say that I would not be equally as unaware. You spend a certain amount of time away from your significant other every day. If my boyfriend didn't talk about what he does every day, I wouldn't know. I would respect my partner's desire not to talk about his work. At the same time, I would find it suspicious.

A couple of the episodes featured women who turned their husbands in. These men would not have gotten caught if it weren't for the women helping the police. It made me wonder who I would turn into the police, my ex-boyfriends in particular. Only one truly came to mind! If I had known that he was doing something illegal, I'd have been at the police station in a heartbeat. That attitude is indicative of the relationship and the reason it ended, though.

The lesson here? Make sure you talk to your significant other enough to know what he or she does during the day!

Date Rape and the novel Speak

Around the internet, there's been a lot of mention of the book Speak by Laurie Halse Anderson. I haven't read the book, and all I can say is what I've heard from others. The book is about date rape. It's quickly becoming one of the most frequently banned books. I made a mental note of it and decided to pick it up if I ever saw it somewhere.

Today I realized how close to home the subjects hits for me. I have never been the victim of date rape, but two of my friends were. One in high school, and another in college. My friend in high school was the pastor's daughter, and her boyfriend one of the guys in my youth group. All of a sudden, the other youth group kids were avoiding him and clustering around her. There were rumors flying. I wasn't sure who to believe, and I really didn't want to take sides. I kept hanging out with the guy until my parents asked me not to. In the end, she moved away to stay with relatives and he was left to wonder what happened and why people were nervous around him. I am still not sure what I believe, and how I feel about it 15 years later. Was it buyer's remorse? Was it miscommunication? I don't see how difficult no is to understand.

In college, my friend was dating this guy. They used to lie around in her bed, take naps together, and I believe they had even had sex previously. I lived in a Christian dorm, and that kind of behavior was unapproved, so to speak. I think that she had decided they should stop having sex and he forced the issue. She told me and a couple of other friends about it, but didn't report it to the head resident or anyone else. I didn't take it lightly, but I didn't do anything about it or think much more about it. My friend didn't really seem like she was very affected by the rape.

In the case of both of my friends, the support fell on the side of the girls, unlike the main character in Speak. One of the girls felt comfortable enough with the adults in her life to talk about what happened. One of the girls, not so much.

The aspect of date rape that is so insidious is the doubt. This girl is dating this guy, so on some level, she must want to sleep with him. It doesn't matter if she's not ready. It doesn't matter if she says no. She wants to sleep with him anyway. It has been said many, many times but in my opinion can't be said enough: No means no.

I don't think that I can even express how important it is to speak up, to speak out. Tell someone. Tell the story of your own date rape. Tell the story of your friend's, your sister's, your neighbor's date rape. Tell girls. Tell the boys. Each time, it increases the comfort level about the subject. Each time may save another girl from being a victim. You can also increase awareness of date rape by calling both your public library and your local high school library to request that they carry the book Speak.

Quirky Girl Finds a Man

It's happened again. I met someone. It was unexpected and surprising. It was unwanted, to tell the truth. I was still recovering from having my heart broken by GeekBoy. Gladly, GeekBoy is a dwindling memory. There are still twinges of sadness at times when I hear a song that we listened to or watch a show that we enjoyed together. Most days, it seems like I've forgotten that GeekBoy ever existed. It makes my heart happy.

It took me a while, but I've finally come up with a nickname for the new boyfriend. He will from now on be referred to as McManly or maybe McMacho. He's a real man. He has a concealed carry license, and carries a Glock. It could be intimidating, but it makes me feel safe. He doesn't really cook, but he does clean. He's a MAN, where GeekBoy was not so much.

McManly and I have known each other for quite some time--about 16 years. We didn't know each other very well until we got back in touch in January. We went out to lunch for what he admitted he thought of as a one-time thing. It's turned into a regular date, then a relationship. I was more than a little hesitant after my broken heart--gun-shy as he likes to put it. I fought it for a while before I gave in and decided to try it out.

Obviously, it's gone smashingly! We went quickly from dating to being in a relationship. We talk nightly on the phone and see each other at least once a week. It feels strange to go without talking to him even one day now. I think he is amazing, and I hope that our relationship lasts for a long, long time!

I Will Never Be Lonely

I'm an introvert. In my opinion, the best definition for an introvert vs. an extrovert is that introverts get their energy from being by themselves while extroverts get their energy from being with others. I think that most people who know me well are not surprised by this. I am a social butterfly for a while, then I drop off the radar. I could have quite happily gone all week this week without talking to anyone or seeing anyone.

I worry sometimes that this tendency will offend some of my friends. I don't think that my the people who know me well will be offended. I never want to push the issue, though! At the same time, I have to put myself first. I have to take my time to myself to recharge and gather my energy for the next group of people to spend my time with.

I have come to the conclusion in the past couple of days that I have too many friends. I never in my life thought I would ever say that! I value each and every friend I have. I don't ever want any of my friends to think that they are not precious to me. They are absolutely fantastic. I don't know what I would do without them.

But please, no more, ok? I know I'm awesome(said with humility and irony, of course!), but I have to be careful to balance my time with my friends with my time by myself. I want to give my friends my best energy, my best time, my best self. If I meet any more friends, I think I will reach a tipping point and won't be able to balance it any more.

That being said, it means that there is absolutely no room in my life for a significant other. If I feel like I can't handle any more friends, how is a guy going to be any different? Maybe there is someone out there who would make me feel energized by being with him. I don't discount that. I just can't imagine that person right now.

This is who I was before Geek Boy. I think I'm back to being that person again. I won't re-name my blog again, but I think it should be Quirky Single Girl again...

First thing we do, let's cancel Valentine's Day

This might be a slightly bitter post. Just warnin' ya.



I vote we boycott Valentine's Day this year. No one is happy on Valentine's.



The singles feel miserable because they're reminded once again that they have no one. They stay at home and eat too much ice cream. They might watch sappy chick flicks and get weepy. If they're empowered and have awesome single girlfriends, they might go out in a group and party it up. Still, in the back of the mind, they will be wondering why they were not good enough, not smart enough, not pretty enough, not skinny enough, not enough to be in a relationship.



The guys in a couple are miserable because Valentine's Day presumes that they are not good at being someone's significant other. The assumption is that men always forget birthdays, anniversaries, and other important events. There are, of course, men who certainly fit right into that category. There are also men who remember all those dates. Then there are men who go above and beyond and send you flowers for no reason.

The women in relationships are miserable because of a few different things. One, their guy forgot Valentine's Day was coming up and got her flowers or chocolate from the gas station on the way home from work. Two, their guy remembered and got a thoughtful gift, but she has to cook dinner for him. There's that girl who was hoping for and anticipating a ring for Valentine's Day and didn't get it. And the absolute loser is the girl whose guy didn't care enough to get a gift or make arrangements for a night out. She's got to stay home, cook dinner while he puts his feet up, and still take care of the kids.

It seems to me that since no one is happy, we might as well quit making everyone miserable. Anyone want to write Congress with me?