Doing it by yourself

I went to the state fair yesterday. I love the fair. It's one of the things I missed most when I lived in California. I love fair food(although not the prices!)--who doesn't love a funnel cake? I do love fair rides, although I don't think I have ever ridden any at the state fair. The reason I really go is the exhibits.

I love seeing all the artwork that people submit in competition. Being an amateur photographer, I hit the photography exhibits almost first thing. I also enjoy needlecrafts, so I hit those next. I drool over the quilts and wish that I had room and money to pick up the hobby. My friend that I went with and I agreed that whoever was judging the knitted and crocheted items must not have been a knitter/crocheter him/herself. I loved the needlepoint items. The work is beautiful and imaginative and detailed and varied.

Wandering through the sheep pens made me really nostalgic! I was a member of the 4-H sheep club when I was in middle school. I had a lamb that I showed for two years in a row. I had to take my turn twice a week feeding and watering the whole herd. At the state fair, we sheared the sheep, washed them, groomed them, and showed them in the ring. I wasn't much good, but it was fun. At the end of the show, they sold our lambs. I never really felt much guilt over that, even though I'm vegetarian!

I went with a friend of mine who had never been to the state fair before. I'm glad that she and her son went because it was nice to have someone else drive. I probably wouldn't have gone if I had to go by myself. We stuck together for a little while, then I started feeling a bit dizzy. She and her son went to ride the rides while I spent time inside in the air conditioning inspecting the artwork.

I find it slightly ironic that I enjoyed my time wandering around by myself more than I enjoyed my time with my friend and her son. However, that's probably more because he's only 5 and doesn't have the patience or interest in the same things I do at the state fair. I can't imagine enjoying myself more than I did spending that time alone, wandering through the exhibits. If I could only get over the actual getting out of the house to do things by myself, I would be a very happy single person!

A Purpose for Spares

I had this epiphany today while I was driving from my parents' house back to my apartment. Maybe it's not news to other singles out there, but it was to me. I'm muddling through this single life by myself right now.

I've mentioned several times that I have quite a few married moms who are friends. I used to have something against SAHMs(Stay-at-Home-Moms for those uninitiated). Not personally, but I tended not to have a lot in common with them. It seems that SAHMs are not as boring as they used to be! It's probably me that has changed, not them. I do find that my friends who are moms have plenty of other things to talk about.

I joke that if I ever have kids that I will be the most prepared mom there is! I have heard all about parenting trials, from the dirty diapers to the middle of the night sick kids and discipline problems in between. I enjoy hearing about the kid stuff. I want to talk about things that are of interest to you, and if your kids are one of those things, that's great. Because I like kids, too.

I find that somewhere in there, there is room for me. I believe that every mom needs a mother's helper. A lot of the moms I know have husbands who are at work in order to pay the bills. It's hard to be a mom by yourself and keep up with the household, etc. Then there's date night. One mom I know has parents who care for her kids in the evenings in the time between when she leaves for work and her husband gets off work. There are times when there is no one else to care for the kids.

That's where I come in. I'm an unofficial aunt for my friends with kids. I've done quite a bit of babysitting for my friends. I don't mind it. It's like having kids, but I get to give them back when it's over! It certainly satisfies any maternal instincts I might have!

However, there is an opportunity to be taken advantage of in all this. I haven't had it happen to me yet. I hope that my friends would realize that they were taking advantage before it ever happened. I hope that I would turn them down before it got to the point that I felt taken advantage of!

I don't know if other women feel the same way, but I am certainly happy to be an honorary aunt.

I like being single, but...

I really, really do like being single. No, I'm really not trying to convince myself of that fact. I am truly, deeply, sincerely happy being single. I like spending time with myself. I'm a pretty interesting person. I have lots of things that I enjoy doing by myself. Knitting, for one. Writing, for another. I could probably list quite a few things. I have made a list of things that I like about being single, in fact! You can find it here.

BUT I CAN'T STOP LOOKING AT MEN.

I know, I know. If I stop looking at men, I'd be a lesbian. Or possibly dead. I am allowed to find men attractive. I am allowed to wonder if they are single. Nothing wrong with either of those things at all. It would just make my life a lot easier if I didn't.

It would be easier if I didn't have to wipe the thought out every time it popped into my head. It would be easier if I didn't check for a wedding ring. It would be easier if I didn't worry about how I was dressed or how my hair looked every time I saw a guy I think cute. It's something I have to get out of the way.

On top of that, I know that looks are a very, very minor thing for me in the scheme of things. I've known some super sweet guys who were not lookers. I've known some hot guys who were total douchebags. They come in all shapes, sizes and combinations of personality and looks. The single most important quality for me in a man is someone that I continue to want to have conversations with for the rest of my life. This is not something I'm going to find just by looking at someone. That's the biggest reason that looking at men annoys me so much. I can't see what I'm looking for. It takes a lot longer to find.

Most of the time in Kentucky I don't get the chance to get to know anyone well enough to know if I want to date him or not. For one thing, most of the guys anywhere near my age are already married. For another, I think we've sunk into our internet usage(or video games, or TV, or whatever!) that we've unlearned how to meet people in public.

The biggest factor, though is this crazy phenomenon. Men in Kentucky seem to think that whenever you want to hang out with them, it means that you're crazy in love with them. Seriously, guys? That's kind of arrogant. Is there no way on God's green earth that I could just want to be friends with you? I'm sorry to burst your bubble, but you're not that irresistable!

Possibly, this is because Kentucky women are too cowardly to come out and tell a man that they like him. I'll grant that. I've been known to act like that in the past. However, I am now a mature adult. Unless you say to me that you would like to date me or make a move on me, I am going to assume that you don't have those feelings about me. Even if I might find you attractive or want to date you, I won't say a thing. I won't stalk you, won't try to kiss you, won't try to change your mind. You know that book He's Just Not That Into You? Started reading it, but quit because I realized I already subscribed to the philosophy within. If you're not interest of your own volition, I'm not either. As I mentioned before, I'm quite happy being single. I just like having friends, and I daresay there are some women out there who share my philosophy.

Now we have that out of the way, can we please just get to know each other?

Where do you get emotional support?

As a single woman, I've found that emotional support is hard to come by. I think it's probably an issue that most people struggle with, but even more so as a single person. When you're married, you have a spouse, a partner, someone who is always around. Emotional support may or may not be there, of course, depending on the strength of the relationship. That person is always there, regardless, to talk about and to share their problems.

Being single, I feel reluctant to turn to my partnered friends for emotional support. They are too busy, too worried about their own problems and that of their family unit, whatever the size. I find myself turning to my parents for emotional support, especially my mother. I don't know what I would do without her. I call her up sobbing about once a week these days because I'm having trouble(to say the least) with my job hunt.

I've needed a lot of emotional support over the past few weeks. I feel like my job search is hopeless. I am constantly passed over for who knows what candidates. I feel very helpless, and that is not a situation where anyone feels good. So, I call my mother sobbing. She can't do anything for me. I know this. She listens anyway and convinces me that all is not hopeless, though. I wonder if I am ripping my mother's heart out each time I call. I try not to do it very often, but I do get to that point more frequently than I can cope with. I have a finite amount of money, and I don't want to be a financial burden to my parents as well as an emotional burden. I've been paying my way for 6 years, and it feels like I am going backwards in terms of development.

At the same time, I've begun wondering what I'm going to do when my parents aren't around anymore because I expect to still be single at that point. I don't expect to be able to look to my brothers for support in any way. I'm the responsible one, the one who manages her money.

Single ladies who might be reading: Who do you look to for your emotional support? I'd especially like to hear from women whose parents aren't around any longer. I want to know what to do when mine aren't around any more.

I love being single!

Being bombarded with the message from every direction that I should be in a relationship, I have to stop and think about what I like about being single. So, here's my list:

I always get the remote control! I get to watch anything I want to, with nobody to fight with over which program is going to be on. Plus, I get to mute the commercials! No wrestling on my TV.

I get to spend all of my money on myself. Yeah, this is kind of a selfish thing. I'm not saying that I do spend all my money on myself at all. I love to buy gifts for my friends and family, something to make them smile.

I can travel whenever I want. I don't have to persuade someone to go somewhere with me or debate over where it is that we will go. I'm not saying that always happens--it's just been my experience!

I get the whole bed to myself! No snoring to wake me up. No one hogging the covers! No one rolling over in the middle of the night and whacking me with a knee or an elbow.

I don't have to clean up after anyone else. The mess I make is mine to clean up. Plus, I don't have to suit someone else with how clean my apartment is.

I can decorate however I want. None of those wagon wheel tables like the one in When Harry Met Sally! No "action figures" hanging on the wall, perched on shelves, or in nooks and crannies of the house.

A clean bathroom! I never have to worry about whether or not the toilet seat is up or down! No one misses the toilet seat while they're using it.

My time is mine. I can choose to stay in bed and read all day if I want. I don't have to persuade someone to go out(again, experience!) or debate where to go if we do go out. I can go ice skating or swimming or hiking without having to share the decision with someone else.

I can go to any movie I want. This actually isn't such a big deal for me. I love action, comedy, and sci-fi movies! I actually try to avoid going to the chick flicks any more.

I always get to pick where to eat. If I want to go out to eat, I go where I'm in the mood for. I don't have to nix places I don't like to eat. If I stay in, I make whatever I want, too!

Those are the ones that spring to mind right now. I will probably add to it as I think of more. I'd love to hear what other ladies think are the best things about being single, too.