Quirky Girl Finds a Man

It's happened again. I met someone. It was unexpected and surprising. It was unwanted, to tell the truth. I was still recovering from having my heart broken by GeekBoy. Gladly, GeekBoy is a dwindling memory. There are still twinges of sadness at times when I hear a song that we listened to or watch a show that we enjoyed together. Most days, it seems like I've forgotten that GeekBoy ever existed. It makes my heart happy.

It took me a while, but I've finally come up with a nickname for the new boyfriend. He will from now on be referred to as McManly or maybe McMacho. He's a real man. He has a concealed carry license, and carries a Glock. It could be intimidating, but it makes me feel safe. He doesn't really cook, but he does clean. He's a MAN, where GeekBoy was not so much.

McManly and I have known each other for quite some time--about 16 years. We didn't know each other very well until we got back in touch in January. We went out to lunch for what he admitted he thought of as a one-time thing. It's turned into a regular date, then a relationship. I was more than a little hesitant after my broken heart--gun-shy as he likes to put it. I fought it for a while before I gave in and decided to try it out.

Obviously, it's gone smashingly! We went quickly from dating to being in a relationship. We talk nightly on the phone and see each other at least once a week. It feels strange to go without talking to him even one day now. I think he is amazing, and I hope that our relationship lasts for a long, long time!

I Make My Own Drama

That's been my motto recently. I don't need to hang out with anyone who already has it, because I supply quite enough of my own, thank you very much. That's not to say that you'll end up with drama if you hang out with me. Not at all!

I am not good at being friends with guys. I like having guy friends, but something always happens. Sometimes it's because I feel attracted to a friend. That's really quite rare, actually. More often it's because either I realize that a guy I know has a thing for me or I'm not sure what my guy friend wants from me.

The I'm not quite sure thing happened to me recently. I've been hanging out with and talking to a guy friend since February-ish. Someone I've known since high school and hadn't really talked to since then. We'll call him HS Guy. He's a super nice guy. He pays for me when we go out to eat or to the movies. We both enjoy science fiction and are moderately geeky.

I am usually somewhat a perceptive person where body language is concerned. Not with HS Guy. He doesn't touch me overmuch for the most part. He asked for a hug after one of the movies we went to together. And he put his hand on my knee while I was at his place one weekend. He never said anything about dating, but me with my drama. I have to know where I stand. Not just knowing how I feel about a particular guy, but how he feels about me.

Some guys will come out and tell you they're interested. Some guys will tell you that they're interested in a Friends with Benefits relationship. Some will hint so strongly that you know they're interested. And some...some just keep their mouths shut. Those are the ones that make me nervous. Those are the ones that I push the issue with, subtly.

In the end, it turns out that he's content just the way I am in the relationship. Friends until one of us decides for sure that they're interested in making it into something else. I had to make it so much more difficult than it really had to be an stir up drama. I'm quite relieved to have it out in the open and taken care of, though!

I Will Never Be Lonely

I'm an introvert. In my opinion, the best definition for an introvert vs. an extrovert is that introverts get their energy from being by themselves while extroverts get their energy from being with others. I think that most people who know me well are not surprised by this. I am a social butterfly for a while, then I drop off the radar. I could have quite happily gone all week this week without talking to anyone or seeing anyone.

I worry sometimes that this tendency will offend some of my friends. I don't think that my the people who know me well will be offended. I never want to push the issue, though! At the same time, I have to put myself first. I have to take my time to myself to recharge and gather my energy for the next group of people to spend my time with.

I have come to the conclusion in the past couple of days that I have too many friends. I never in my life thought I would ever say that! I value each and every friend I have. I don't ever want any of my friends to think that they are not precious to me. They are absolutely fantastic. I don't know what I would do without them.

But please, no more, ok? I know I'm awesome(said with humility and irony, of course!), but I have to be careful to balance my time with my friends with my time by myself. I want to give my friends my best energy, my best time, my best self. If I meet any more friends, I think I will reach a tipping point and won't be able to balance it any more.

That being said, it means that there is absolutely no room in my life for a significant other. If I feel like I can't handle any more friends, how is a guy going to be any different? Maybe there is someone out there who would make me feel energized by being with him. I don't discount that. I just can't imagine that person right now.

This is who I was before Geek Boy. I think I'm back to being that person again. I won't re-name my blog again, but I think it should be Quirky Single Girl again...

The Definition of Single

I had a conversation with a friend of mine yesterday about what single really means. I had mentioned that I posted on Facebook that I didn't want ads for dating sites on my home page because I am enjoying being single. That's not strictly true, but I need to be single right now in order to sort my feelings out again. No dating quite yet.

My guy friend said that he hates it when girls say that. He said that he doesn't know what it means when girls say they're single. Are they looking for a boyfriend, for sex, or not at all? was his question. I told him that when I say I'm single, I'm not looking for anything. I'm the quirky girl, though, and I'm not necessarily like other girls.

I had to go back and think about it again later on that night. He's right. Single doesn't necessarily mean not looking for anything. You really do have to define what it is you're looking for when you say that. Me? Not looking for anything right now. Still recovering from the end of a relationship. That won't last forever, though. Eventually I'll be looking for someone to date. I guess at that time, I'll have to specify that, too.

One day, I won't have to date any more, right?

No More GeekBoy

For those of you who know me personally, this will come as no surprise. GeekBoy is still GeekBoy, but he is my GeekBoy no more. There is some element of surprise to it, but not it did not come as a total shock. I had not seen him since the beginning of December, and hadn't spoken to him or had any communication from him in two weeks.

Of course, that's not to say that it hasn't been a massive emotional blow to me. I've had very little to eat this week, and sleeping has been difficult. I know that none of it was my fault and that there was nothing I could do to change what happened. I don't even feel like I've been dumped, but rather that we've split up.

I miss him mightily, and perhaps I always will. I wish him love and happiness. I would have liked to be the person he found that with, but I have no control over that.

I was watching Bones last night and one of the characters said something that hit home for me. He said that he was suffering from grief and that the only cure for grief is time. That rings very true for me. The first half of the week was very difficult for me. The second half has gotten easier. It's a relief. I still struggle to find any interest in eating. Food tastes like ashes and my stomach rebels at the thought of eating. Sleep has been difficult as well. My mind is so obsessed with thoughts of GeekBoy that I have to exhaust myself before I can go to sleep. Watching TV doesn't use enough brain power, so nearly the only thing I've been able to do is read.

My knitting group has been a godsend. I don't know what I would do without them. They offered to break his kneecaps for me. They were righteously indignant on my behalf. They let me know that I am well-loved, well cared for, and have an amazing support system. I don't know what I have done to merit such support and love, but I count myself truly blessed.

In the meantime, I move on. I work. I read. I inch toward happiness again. I work on finding my single heart, my pleasure in my own company. I grieve. I wait for time to pass, for the heartsickness to fade. I am strong, and I will make it through this.

Hickies

I may be sorry for posting about this, but it's really been amusing me lately. Dating someone new, sometimes things get...heated. And to prevent scary mental images, I'll just say that hickies ensue. Yeah, big raspberry marks on your neck. So everyone knows what you've been doing. I'm a pretty private person, and I'd really rather that people NOT know what I've been doing. It's nobody's business but mine and my significant other's. Unfortunately, I have very pale skin that is easily bruised.

Having hickies of my own has resulted in noticing hickies on other people, however. I am so hyper-sensitive about people noticing my hickies that I am watching what other people's necks look like. It's like having a specific car makes you notice other people's cars of the same make and model. There was a secretary at one of the schools I subbed at last week who had a very noticeable hickie on her neck. Then, hanging out with a couple of friends yesterday, one had a light hickie on her neck. I find it absolutely hilarious.

I consider myself a pretty forward-thinking, modern woman. I should be terribly embarrassed by the fact that I have hickies at all. My guilty secret is that I like them. They are kind of a hands-off signal to other guys. Not that I have them knocking down my door or anything, but just in case. They are also evidence to the world that someone likes me and feels passionately about me. On the one hand, I feel rather guilty and embarrassed by having them because they are unprofessional and kind of a bad example for students. On the other hand, I quite like that someone thinks I'm hot and leaves evidence of it, even though he claims he tries not to.

Maybe I'll just stock up on concealer and it will be my secret.

Meet the Parents

Apparently, my family is intimidating. I can honestly say that I can't think of anyone who has ever reacted that way about my family before. I love to tell stories about my family. I think they are absolutely the most awesome relatives a girl could have. I have always known that I was well-loved, that I was valued, that I was important to quite a few people. Usually, people tell me that they would love to meet my family.

Not Geek Boy. He is seriously intimidated at the thought of meeting my family. Part of this is probably my fault. I don't really censor my stories when I tell him about them, whereas I do somewhat depending on who I'm talking to in other cases. When I talk to Geek Boy, I'm usually telling him about someone being ridiculous or something outrageous that someone has said.

I am absolutely convinced that he will like my family and that they will like him in return. I told him that they're like me, and his response was that while he can handle me, several of me might be beyond his limits! In addition, he's very concerned about impressing them. I think it's unbearably sweet that he's so worried about it.

One thing that I am worried about is the difference between our family dynamics. I adore my family. I love spending time with them, going on trips with them, talking to them, doing things for them. There is nothing I wouldn't do for my family.

His family, on the other hand, are stoic Germans. His description. He said that his mom doesn't display much emotion. I don't think that he is like her in that way. I haven't really thought much about meeting his family. He hasn't expressed a big desire for me to meet them yet. I think it's more because of the family dynamic than it is because of me! While I was writing this, it occurred to me that I'm most likely going to have to tone it down for any time that I spend with his family. I'm generally not as outrageous at first as I get down the road, though!

While I do want him to meet my family and for them to like each other, I'm not all that eager to hurry it along. I like being with Geek Boy and I like it being something that is mine, that my family is not necessarily a part of. I want to keep it to myself and hoard all the precious moments. Eventually, we'll have to open our circle and let other people in. But not yet.

The Single Girl's Dating

Now that I'm no longer the single girl, I've changed the url for my blog. Now, it's http://quirkydatinggirl.blogspot.com. Please change your bookmarks to follow me!

Instead of blogging about how happy I am to be single, I'll be blogging about how happy I am to be dating. Not really. I wasn't particularly happy to hear about other people's wonderful relationships when I was single, and I feel absolutely no need to make anyone else feel that way. In fact, I'd totally like to avoid it.

I've been single much, much more of my life than I've been in a relationship. It's been long enough since my last relationship that I have to figure out what I'm doing all over again! There are pitfalls as a dater that I've made in the past and seriously want to avoid this time around.

First up on the list is not losing my sense of identity simply because I'm dating someone. I have a tendency to change for the person I'm dating. I know that yes, there is a certain amount of compromise inherent in a relationship. You will change each other in various ways. At the same time, it's important not to give up your friends, your time to yourself, your interests, simply because they are not things that your partner shares.

I'd like to think that I'm on the right track so far in this relationship. I want to share my interests with him (henceforth known as GeekBoy), and he wants to share his interests with me. We have long conversations about anything and everything, and we are finding the common ground between us. We've discovered a shared love for The Venture Brothers (his interest originally) and text each other quotes from the show. GeekBoy wants to learn to knit(my interest!), and I can't wait to teach him. We are also both vegetarian, and I cooked for him for the first time last night. He was apprehensive because he'd never had what I fixed before--tofu--but tried it and liked it!

It really is a joy just to find things that we both enjoy.

I like being single, but...

I really, really do like being single. No, I'm really not trying to convince myself of that fact. I am truly, deeply, sincerely happy being single. I like spending time with myself. I'm a pretty interesting person. I have lots of things that I enjoy doing by myself. Knitting, for one. Writing, for another. I could probably list quite a few things. I have made a list of things that I like about being single, in fact! You can find it here.

BUT I CAN'T STOP LOOKING AT MEN.

I know, I know. If I stop looking at men, I'd be a lesbian. Or possibly dead. I am allowed to find men attractive. I am allowed to wonder if they are single. Nothing wrong with either of those things at all. It would just make my life a lot easier if I didn't.

It would be easier if I didn't have to wipe the thought out every time it popped into my head. It would be easier if I didn't check for a wedding ring. It would be easier if I didn't worry about how I was dressed or how my hair looked every time I saw a guy I think cute. It's something I have to get out of the way.

On top of that, I know that looks are a very, very minor thing for me in the scheme of things. I've known some super sweet guys who were not lookers. I've known some hot guys who were total douchebags. They come in all shapes, sizes and combinations of personality and looks. The single most important quality for me in a man is someone that I continue to want to have conversations with for the rest of my life. This is not something I'm going to find just by looking at someone. That's the biggest reason that looking at men annoys me so much. I can't see what I'm looking for. It takes a lot longer to find.

Most of the time in Kentucky I don't get the chance to get to know anyone well enough to know if I want to date him or not. For one thing, most of the guys anywhere near my age are already married. For another, I think we've sunk into our internet usage(or video games, or TV, or whatever!) that we've unlearned how to meet people in public.

The biggest factor, though is this crazy phenomenon. Men in Kentucky seem to think that whenever you want to hang out with them, it means that you're crazy in love with them. Seriously, guys? That's kind of arrogant. Is there no way on God's green earth that I could just want to be friends with you? I'm sorry to burst your bubble, but you're not that irresistable!

Possibly, this is because Kentucky women are too cowardly to come out and tell a man that they like him. I'll grant that. I've been known to act like that in the past. However, I am now a mature adult. Unless you say to me that you would like to date me or make a move on me, I am going to assume that you don't have those feelings about me. Even if I might find you attractive or want to date you, I won't say a thing. I won't stalk you, won't try to kiss you, won't try to change your mind. You know that book He's Just Not That Into You? Started reading it, but quit because I realized I already subscribed to the philosophy within. If you're not interest of your own volition, I'm not either. As I mentioned before, I'm quite happy being single. I just like having friends, and I daresay there are some women out there who share my philosophy.

Now we have that out of the way, can we please just get to know each other?