Cougar Town

Have I mentioned that my boyfriend is about 10 years younger than me? At first, it weirded me out. It's a significant age difference, and could potentially cause a lot of problems in a relationship. Plus, if I had gone into teaching right after I graduated college, I could have potentially been his teacher in middle school. Makes me think sometimes.

I quickly got over the age difference, and now it just amuses me. I don't think that anyone seeing us out together would guess that there is such an age difference. My boy's been able to grow a full beard since he was 14, so he looks older than he is. Plus(not that I would ever mention this to him), he has a little bit of a receding hairline. On the other hand, I get mistaken for being 4-5 years younger than I actually am. When I moved out to Los Angeles at 22, I got asked more than once if I had recently graduated from high school. I generally don't mind that, because I look old enough to be taken seriously, but still young enough to be young.

When my parents found out how young he was, I got called a cougar. Talk about embarrassing. My cousin and I had a serious debate about this topic and I maintain that there is not enough of an age gap or enough intention on my part to be called a cougar. A cougar should be 20 years or more older than her significant other, and have a pencheant for dating younger men. I am neither.

There are some things that have cropped up due to our age difference. Not issues, per se, but things that have made me think.

GeekBoy likes to drink. I have absolutely no problem with this. I've done my share of drinking. I honestly miss my Boozer Boys from the apartment building where I lived in California. We used to sit in the pool and drink. GeekBoy still likes to drink until he's stupid. It mostly gives me the impulse to join in. I am wound quite a bit more tightly than I should be most of the time, and drinking helps unwind me a bit. I do draw the line before I get stupid, generally!

I am ready to settle down. I want to get married, have a house, a yard, the whole nine yards. I am up in the air where kids are concerned. GeekBoy, on the other hand, not so much. He doesn't feel the urgency, doesn't feel like his time is limited for having children. If he decides that I'm the one he wants to spend the rest of his life with, our time is limited for having children.

Last night, he was talking about something, and I realized how young he is. Not in an age way, but in a way that things are still new, exciting, and inspiring to him. I feel jaded and it takes a lot to excite me. In that moment when he was talking about whatever subject that caught him, I envied him that ability to be excited and to feel the freshness of things that happen in his life still. At the same time, I find inspiration in that! If I can regain my own enthusiasm and inspiration through being with him, how amazing!

I thought I knew about relationships and what to expect. I thought I knew how to behave in a relationship. On a regular basis, GeekBoy challenges those expectations and teaches me something new. I thought I would be the teacher in the relationship, but I have learned so much from him in only 3 months. I look forward to all the things he has to teach me in the future.

Do opposites attract?

Oddly enough (or maybe not. I am a writer after all, and it doesn't take much to inspire me.), I found myself inspired by the journal prompt in the Language Arts class I was working with this morning. The prompt asked the students if opposites attract and what the students' future spouses would be like if opposites did attract(or vice versa). I used to think that opposites did attract. A couple of disastrous attempts at dating guys that were different than me taught me otherwise. There was the engineer who I had nothing to talk to about. There was a guy who wasn't as smart as I am. Call me a snob, but that's a struggle for me. I don't want to have to explain myself all the time.

The prompt made me start thinking about GeekBoy and the ways that we are similar and different. I think we are both caring people. I work with kids, and he works with animals. I find that I want to take care of him by feeding him, making sure he has clean clothes, and things like that. He does the same thing, but he wants to support me monetarily. We have different ways of showing the same impulse.

We are both somewhat bohemian. He knows who he is and is content with that. I know who I am, and am mostly content with that. There are definitely things that I would like to change about myself. He's mentioned some things that he would like to change about himself as well. Relatively minor things on both our parts, I think. We're both vegetarian, which is something that makes me really happy.

Of course, we are both wildly geeky. I went to Dragon*Con with my parents! And GeekBoy was jealous of me getting to go. I would have been jealous of him, had our situations been reversed. We both enjoy sci-fi and fantasy type things. His tastes tend toward being a bit darker than mine. He plays World of Warcraft and plays role playing games similar to Dungeons & Dragons, and I would probably play both. My geek tends toward reading and TV shows more than games. I am always happy to listen to him talk about his games, and he listens to me talk about my TV shows and books. We share watching The Venture Brothers, probably one of the geekiest cartoons ever made. One of the side effects of geekiness is that we're both kind of socially awkward. He uses manners to mitigate the effect on others. I think I use humor. I am always willing and ready to laugh at myself.

At the same time, we have characteristics that are vastly different. His life has been quite a bit more difficult than mine. He's got a lot of determination that I don't have because things have been easy for me. I know that I have a lot to learn from him in that area. I just wonder sometimes what he has to learn from me. I'm not saying that I don't have good qualities. I just wonder which of my characteristics he might choose to learn from me.

Hickies

I may be sorry for posting about this, but it's really been amusing me lately. Dating someone new, sometimes things get...heated. And to prevent scary mental images, I'll just say that hickies ensue. Yeah, big raspberry marks on your neck. So everyone knows what you've been doing. I'm a pretty private person, and I'd really rather that people NOT know what I've been doing. It's nobody's business but mine and my significant other's. Unfortunately, I have very pale skin that is easily bruised.

Having hickies of my own has resulted in noticing hickies on other people, however. I am so hyper-sensitive about people noticing my hickies that I am watching what other people's necks look like. It's like having a specific car makes you notice other people's cars of the same make and model. There was a secretary at one of the schools I subbed at last week who had a very noticeable hickie on her neck. Then, hanging out with a couple of friends yesterday, one had a light hickie on her neck. I find it absolutely hilarious.

I consider myself a pretty forward-thinking, modern woman. I should be terribly embarrassed by the fact that I have hickies at all. My guilty secret is that I like them. They are kind of a hands-off signal to other guys. Not that I have them knocking down my door or anything, but just in case. They are also evidence to the world that someone likes me and feels passionately about me. On the one hand, I feel rather guilty and embarrassed by having them because they are unprofessional and kind of a bad example for students. On the other hand, I quite like that someone thinks I'm hot and leaves evidence of it, even though he claims he tries not to.

Maybe I'll just stock up on concealer and it will be my secret.

Meet the Parents

Apparently, my family is intimidating. I can honestly say that I can't think of anyone who has ever reacted that way about my family before. I love to tell stories about my family. I think they are absolutely the most awesome relatives a girl could have. I have always known that I was well-loved, that I was valued, that I was important to quite a few people. Usually, people tell me that they would love to meet my family.

Not Geek Boy. He is seriously intimidated at the thought of meeting my family. Part of this is probably my fault. I don't really censor my stories when I tell him about them, whereas I do somewhat depending on who I'm talking to in other cases. When I talk to Geek Boy, I'm usually telling him about someone being ridiculous or something outrageous that someone has said.

I am absolutely convinced that he will like my family and that they will like him in return. I told him that they're like me, and his response was that while he can handle me, several of me might be beyond his limits! In addition, he's very concerned about impressing them. I think it's unbearably sweet that he's so worried about it.

One thing that I am worried about is the difference between our family dynamics. I adore my family. I love spending time with them, going on trips with them, talking to them, doing things for them. There is nothing I wouldn't do for my family.

His family, on the other hand, are stoic Germans. His description. He said that his mom doesn't display much emotion. I don't think that he is like her in that way. I haven't really thought much about meeting his family. He hasn't expressed a big desire for me to meet them yet. I think it's more because of the family dynamic than it is because of me! While I was writing this, it occurred to me that I'm most likely going to have to tone it down for any time that I spend with his family. I'm generally not as outrageous at first as I get down the road, though!

While I do want him to meet my family and for them to like each other, I'm not all that eager to hurry it along. I like being with Geek Boy and I like it being something that is mine, that my family is not necessarily a part of. I want to keep it to myself and hoard all the precious moments. Eventually, we'll have to open our circle and let other people in. But not yet.

The Single Girl's Dating

Now that I'm no longer the single girl, I've changed the url for my blog. Now, it's http://quirkydatinggirl.blogspot.com. Please change your bookmarks to follow me!

Instead of blogging about how happy I am to be single, I'll be blogging about how happy I am to be dating. Not really. I wasn't particularly happy to hear about other people's wonderful relationships when I was single, and I feel absolutely no need to make anyone else feel that way. In fact, I'd totally like to avoid it.

I've been single much, much more of my life than I've been in a relationship. It's been long enough since my last relationship that I have to figure out what I'm doing all over again! There are pitfalls as a dater that I've made in the past and seriously want to avoid this time around.

First up on the list is not losing my sense of identity simply because I'm dating someone. I have a tendency to change for the person I'm dating. I know that yes, there is a certain amount of compromise inherent in a relationship. You will change each other in various ways. At the same time, it's important not to give up your friends, your time to yourself, your interests, simply because they are not things that your partner shares.

I'd like to think that I'm on the right track so far in this relationship. I want to share my interests with him (henceforth known as GeekBoy), and he wants to share his interests with me. We have long conversations about anything and everything, and we are finding the common ground between us. We've discovered a shared love for The Venture Brothers (his interest originally) and text each other quotes from the show. GeekBoy wants to learn to knit(my interest!), and I can't wait to teach him. We are also both vegetarian, and I cooked for him for the first time last night. He was apprehensive because he'd never had what I fixed before--tofu--but tried it and liked it!

It really is a joy just to find things that we both enjoy.

Demise of the Single Girl

All good things come to an end. I find it one of the great ironies of my life that I start a blog about how much I enjoy being single and I meet someone who is amazing and more perfect for me than anyone I have ever met before. In short, he's a male version of me.

I would love to gush about how wonderful he is, but this isn't exactly the right place for it! If you would like to hear more, please feel free to email me and ask for details. I love talking about him.

So, the quirky single girl has found someone who appreciates her quirks and is single no longer. Thank you for reading, and I wish any other singles out there as much happiness as I've found so far.

Letting my Geek hang out!

One of the things that I think makes me quirky is how utterly geeky I am. I have had no less than three geek-fest sessions so far this week, and it's only Wednesday! I staunchly refuse to apologize for how geeky I am. Sometimes I even wish I was more of a geek, but only in a minor way. I would like to be a bit more of a gamer girl. I have very little hand-eye coordination, and that makes a bad gamer.

I geek out over quite a few things. I am a Trekkie from birth. I love Star Wars as well, but not with the undying passion that I love Star Trek with. I even visited the Star Trek Experience in Las Vegas with my family last summer. My family jokes that I am a big fan of the Whedon-verse with the exception of Dollhouse. I love Battlestar Galactica, Eureka, Sanctuary, and both Stargate SG-1 & Atlantis. I am really excited about the upcoming Caprica and Stargate Universe series! I would rather starve than give up my SyFy subscription.

I am also a big fan of BBC Television. I would love for Dr. Who to come pick me up and take me traveling in his TARDIS. I am, however, a New Who fan, which some consider not a fan at all. If I could pick a Doctor to travel with, I'd say 10, hands down. I want to work for Torchwood in Cardiff and snog Captain Jack. Ianto would do for snogging as well! I also want to go traveling through anomalies with the team on Primeval. I wouldn't mind at all having Being Human's trio of ghost, werewolf, and vampire as flatmates.

I had a "Where would you live if you lived in Middle Earth?" conversation with my friends in my apartment complex once. (I would live part time in Rivendell and part time as a Rider of Rohan, btw!) I had a bit of a crush on Legolas. I have crocheted a Harry Potter house scarf and bear a Ravenclaw house sticker on my car. I even cried through the last 40 pages of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.

I read with a passion and breadth that I've never had matched by anyone else I know. My first love is fantasy, though. I love the dragons of Irene Radford, the Dragonlance Chronicles, and George R.R. Martin's Song of Fire and Ice. The magic of Robert Jordan's Wheel of Time and Terry Goodkind's Sword of Truth entrance me. I want to be Chosen by one of Mercedes Lackey's Companions more than anything because I was horse-crazy as a kid.

The point of all these geeky things is simply this: I am going to Dragon*Con this coming weekend in Atlanta. I am beyond excited about this. One of my friends even made fun of me for singing Dragon*Con every time I said it. This is my first Convention of the sort that I have ever attended. No, I am not dressing up. Yes, I hope to meet Patrick Stewart, Garret Wang, Charlaine Harris, and any other number of people!

Most of all, I am hoping to get hit on by fellow geeks at the Con. I know for a fact that I am not the only female who enjoys such geeky viewing and reading habits. I have a handful of girlfriends who are just as geeky. Luckily, they're in my knitting group and I get to geek out with them on a weekly basis. I do expect that I'll be outnumbered by men at Dragon*Con. Oh, the geeky pick-up lines! I can only imagine.

I intend to tweet and blog from Dragon*Con, so follow me on Twitter (@busweet) if you're not already, and keep checking back for updates!

Doing it by yourself

I went to the state fair yesterday. I love the fair. It's one of the things I missed most when I lived in California. I love fair food(although not the prices!)--who doesn't love a funnel cake? I do love fair rides, although I don't think I have ever ridden any at the state fair. The reason I really go is the exhibits.

I love seeing all the artwork that people submit in competition. Being an amateur photographer, I hit the photography exhibits almost first thing. I also enjoy needlecrafts, so I hit those next. I drool over the quilts and wish that I had room and money to pick up the hobby. My friend that I went with and I agreed that whoever was judging the knitted and crocheted items must not have been a knitter/crocheter him/herself. I loved the needlepoint items. The work is beautiful and imaginative and detailed and varied.

Wandering through the sheep pens made me really nostalgic! I was a member of the 4-H sheep club when I was in middle school. I had a lamb that I showed for two years in a row. I had to take my turn twice a week feeding and watering the whole herd. At the state fair, we sheared the sheep, washed them, groomed them, and showed them in the ring. I wasn't much good, but it was fun. At the end of the show, they sold our lambs. I never really felt much guilt over that, even though I'm vegetarian!

I went with a friend of mine who had never been to the state fair before. I'm glad that she and her son went because it was nice to have someone else drive. I probably wouldn't have gone if I had to go by myself. We stuck together for a little while, then I started feeling a bit dizzy. She and her son went to ride the rides while I spent time inside in the air conditioning inspecting the artwork.

I find it slightly ironic that I enjoyed my time wandering around by myself more than I enjoyed my time with my friend and her son. However, that's probably more because he's only 5 and doesn't have the patience or interest in the same things I do at the state fair. I can't imagine enjoying myself more than I did spending that time alone, wandering through the exhibits. If I could only get over the actual getting out of the house to do things by myself, I would be a very happy single person!

A Purpose for Spares

I had this epiphany today while I was driving from my parents' house back to my apartment. Maybe it's not news to other singles out there, but it was to me. I'm muddling through this single life by myself right now.

I've mentioned several times that I have quite a few married moms who are friends. I used to have something against SAHMs(Stay-at-Home-Moms for those uninitiated). Not personally, but I tended not to have a lot in common with them. It seems that SAHMs are not as boring as they used to be! It's probably me that has changed, not them. I do find that my friends who are moms have plenty of other things to talk about.

I joke that if I ever have kids that I will be the most prepared mom there is! I have heard all about parenting trials, from the dirty diapers to the middle of the night sick kids and discipline problems in between. I enjoy hearing about the kid stuff. I want to talk about things that are of interest to you, and if your kids are one of those things, that's great. Because I like kids, too.

I find that somewhere in there, there is room for me. I believe that every mom needs a mother's helper. A lot of the moms I know have husbands who are at work in order to pay the bills. It's hard to be a mom by yourself and keep up with the household, etc. Then there's date night. One mom I know has parents who care for her kids in the evenings in the time between when she leaves for work and her husband gets off work. There are times when there is no one else to care for the kids.

That's where I come in. I'm an unofficial aunt for my friends with kids. I've done quite a bit of babysitting for my friends. I don't mind it. It's like having kids, but I get to give them back when it's over! It certainly satisfies any maternal instincts I might have!

However, there is an opportunity to be taken advantage of in all this. I haven't had it happen to me yet. I hope that my friends would realize that they were taking advantage before it ever happened. I hope that I would turn them down before it got to the point that I felt taken advantage of!

I don't know if other women feel the same way, but I am certainly happy to be an honorary aunt.

I like being single, but...

I really, really do like being single. No, I'm really not trying to convince myself of that fact. I am truly, deeply, sincerely happy being single. I like spending time with myself. I'm a pretty interesting person. I have lots of things that I enjoy doing by myself. Knitting, for one. Writing, for another. I could probably list quite a few things. I have made a list of things that I like about being single, in fact! You can find it here.

BUT I CAN'T STOP LOOKING AT MEN.

I know, I know. If I stop looking at men, I'd be a lesbian. Or possibly dead. I am allowed to find men attractive. I am allowed to wonder if they are single. Nothing wrong with either of those things at all. It would just make my life a lot easier if I didn't.

It would be easier if I didn't have to wipe the thought out every time it popped into my head. It would be easier if I didn't check for a wedding ring. It would be easier if I didn't worry about how I was dressed or how my hair looked every time I saw a guy I think cute. It's something I have to get out of the way.

On top of that, I know that looks are a very, very minor thing for me in the scheme of things. I've known some super sweet guys who were not lookers. I've known some hot guys who were total douchebags. They come in all shapes, sizes and combinations of personality and looks. The single most important quality for me in a man is someone that I continue to want to have conversations with for the rest of my life. This is not something I'm going to find just by looking at someone. That's the biggest reason that looking at men annoys me so much. I can't see what I'm looking for. It takes a lot longer to find.

Most of the time in Kentucky I don't get the chance to get to know anyone well enough to know if I want to date him or not. For one thing, most of the guys anywhere near my age are already married. For another, I think we've sunk into our internet usage(or video games, or TV, or whatever!) that we've unlearned how to meet people in public.

The biggest factor, though is this crazy phenomenon. Men in Kentucky seem to think that whenever you want to hang out with them, it means that you're crazy in love with them. Seriously, guys? That's kind of arrogant. Is there no way on God's green earth that I could just want to be friends with you? I'm sorry to burst your bubble, but you're not that irresistable!

Possibly, this is because Kentucky women are too cowardly to come out and tell a man that they like him. I'll grant that. I've been known to act like that in the past. However, I am now a mature adult. Unless you say to me that you would like to date me or make a move on me, I am going to assume that you don't have those feelings about me. Even if I might find you attractive or want to date you, I won't say a thing. I won't stalk you, won't try to kiss you, won't try to change your mind. You know that book He's Just Not That Into You? Started reading it, but quit because I realized I already subscribed to the philosophy within. If you're not interest of your own volition, I'm not either. As I mentioned before, I'm quite happy being single. I just like having friends, and I daresay there are some women out there who share my philosophy.

Now we have that out of the way, can we please just get to know each other?

Where do you get emotional support?

As a single woman, I've found that emotional support is hard to come by. I think it's probably an issue that most people struggle with, but even more so as a single person. When you're married, you have a spouse, a partner, someone who is always around. Emotional support may or may not be there, of course, depending on the strength of the relationship. That person is always there, regardless, to talk about and to share their problems.

Being single, I feel reluctant to turn to my partnered friends for emotional support. They are too busy, too worried about their own problems and that of their family unit, whatever the size. I find myself turning to my parents for emotional support, especially my mother. I don't know what I would do without her. I call her up sobbing about once a week these days because I'm having trouble(to say the least) with my job hunt.

I've needed a lot of emotional support over the past few weeks. I feel like my job search is hopeless. I am constantly passed over for who knows what candidates. I feel very helpless, and that is not a situation where anyone feels good. So, I call my mother sobbing. She can't do anything for me. I know this. She listens anyway and convinces me that all is not hopeless, though. I wonder if I am ripping my mother's heart out each time I call. I try not to do it very often, but I do get to that point more frequently than I can cope with. I have a finite amount of money, and I don't want to be a financial burden to my parents as well as an emotional burden. I've been paying my way for 6 years, and it feels like I am going backwards in terms of development.

At the same time, I've begun wondering what I'm going to do when my parents aren't around anymore because I expect to still be single at that point. I don't expect to be able to look to my brothers for support in any way. I'm the responsible one, the one who manages her money.

Single ladies who might be reading: Who do you look to for your emotional support? I'd especially like to hear from women whose parents aren't around any longer. I want to know what to do when mine aren't around any more.

I love being single!

Being bombarded with the message from every direction that I should be in a relationship, I have to stop and think about what I like about being single. So, here's my list:

I always get the remote control! I get to watch anything I want to, with nobody to fight with over which program is going to be on. Plus, I get to mute the commercials! No wrestling on my TV.

I get to spend all of my money on myself. Yeah, this is kind of a selfish thing. I'm not saying that I do spend all my money on myself at all. I love to buy gifts for my friends and family, something to make them smile.

I can travel whenever I want. I don't have to persuade someone to go somewhere with me or debate over where it is that we will go. I'm not saying that always happens--it's just been my experience!

I get the whole bed to myself! No snoring to wake me up. No one hogging the covers! No one rolling over in the middle of the night and whacking me with a knee or an elbow.

I don't have to clean up after anyone else. The mess I make is mine to clean up. Plus, I don't have to suit someone else with how clean my apartment is.

I can decorate however I want. None of those wagon wheel tables like the one in When Harry Met Sally! No "action figures" hanging on the wall, perched on shelves, or in nooks and crannies of the house.

A clean bathroom! I never have to worry about whether or not the toilet seat is up or down! No one misses the toilet seat while they're using it.

My time is mine. I can choose to stay in bed and read all day if I want. I don't have to persuade someone to go out(again, experience!) or debate where to go if we do go out. I can go ice skating or swimming or hiking without having to share the decision with someone else.

I can go to any movie I want. This actually isn't such a big deal for me. I love action, comedy, and sci-fi movies! I actually try to avoid going to the chick flicks any more.

I always get to pick where to eat. If I want to go out to eat, I go where I'm in the mood for. I don't have to nix places I don't like to eat. If I stay in, I make whatever I want, too!

Those are the ones that spring to mind right now. I will probably add to it as I think of more. I'd love to hear what other ladies think are the best things about being single, too.

Pioneer Single Girls

One of the things that bothers me most about being single is that there is no one to look to for advice. There's no one to sympathize when you're feeling lonely, no one to encourage you, no one to tell you that there's nothing wrong with you when you start doubting yourself. There's no one to ask about whether you'll regret not having children when you're older, no one to ask about finances for the single woman. I have plenty of married friends, and I am sure they understand my situation. They just don't have the experience or practical advice I'm looking for.

I have always had a tendency to admire those older single women that I've met. Even when I was younger, it wasn't the moms that I wanted to hang out with. It was the ladies who had the courage, the endurance, the ability to be single. Looking back, it makes me wonder if being single is always what has been in the cards for me. That thought makes me smile--that being single has always been something I admired. It makes being single now a little more solid, a little easier to deal with.

It's almost like dating trying to find other single women! Where do you find them? I'm sure they don't advertise the fact that they're single. It's still a social stigma to be a single adult woman over the age of 30 in my experience. The term Old Maid springs to mind, even though it isn't used very often any more. The implication is that there's something wrong with us, that we're someone to be pitied.

If someone knows, please tell me where the other single ladies are. Where are you hiding, ladies? Drop me a line so we can talk! I want to bend your ear, get some advice, ask how to cope with different things. Let's build a community of like-minded ladies.

I'm Single, So What?

I'm 30 and still perpetually single. So what? Who cares? Obviously, I do! You should, too. Yes, you. Don't turn around and look behind you! More and more often, my story is becoming the story of others. The shape of relationships is changing, and the age at which people are getting married is getting older. I'm not the old maid or the odd woman out any more--I am the norm.

However, society still tells us single girls that we're doing something wrong, that we're meant to be in a relationship. Everywhere you turn, the world is built in pairs and groups. Where does the single person fit in?

That's where I come in. Not that I consider myself an expert on being single. Well, maybe I am! I've been single much more in my life than I've been in relationships. I realize the lack of people speaking on being single. I miss the advice that comes from other people in the same situation. If my story can help someone or someone can help me, that's the whole point. If we can get a laugh along the way, even better!

Come along on my journey with me.