Talking 'bout Lurve

Last year, I had a conversation on Twitter with a local guy about my blog and about love in general. He and I tweeted some back and forth, then had an email conversation. He'd read my blog and understood my point of view, but wanted to start a sort of counterpoint blog, one about looking for love. At the time, I was dating Geek Boy, and this guy is about the same age. He mentioned having a thing for a woman in his group about my age, so we had that aspect we shared.

Fast forward to a couple of months ago. The guy friended me on Facebook. Turns out that he works at the Panera where my knitting group meets. I am totally unobservant. We'd probably been friends on FB for a month or two before I actually looked at his pictures and realized that I'd seen him! I felt like a moron. He told me he hadn't said anything to me because he didn't want to be that creepy guy who was like "Um, yeah. I know you from online." He let ME be the creepy stalker chick and say "Hey, I know you from Twitter and Facebook!"

A couple of weeks ago, he was the one who took my order. We chatted quickly about blogging and the fact that he hasn't replied to my most recent email. I told him that I'd mostly quit blogging here because I didn't want to be one of those saccharine sweet people who gushes about how great his/her relationship is or how in loooooooooove they are.

I've been mulling over his response since then. He said that he couldn't imagine running out of things to write about love. In fact, he's got so much to say that he's started writing a book. That kind of knocked me sideways.

I guess I would admit to being a romantic. I read romance novels as a teenager. I feel like I have struggled with romance and love for a good percentage of my life. Part of my time I spent fighting against wanting it. Part of the time, I spent being depressed about it. At times, I was consumed with a break-up. Only a small portion of my life have I been able to relax and bend my energy toward other things in my life. I have been wholly consumed by the pursuit of love most of my life.

Being in love and loving someone is new. It's a daily journey. It's a process. It's a choice. It's hard work. I think I can find something to say about all that.

A thoughtful man is a wonderful thing.

McManly is a really thoughtful man. He is good at predicting the things I'll like. I don't think that I'm as good at that where he's concerned.

I was at his house this week. I didn't work on Thursday or Friday, so I spent a lot of time there. He has installed a media system that he can work on his iPhone. He had gone out one day and I was taking a nap. When I woke up, I texted him. By the time I used the bathroom and went downstairs, he had put on a movie that he thought I would like.

I think it's super sweet. It's an absolutely tiny thing, but it means that he's thinking of me, thinking about the things I like. It means a lot to me in a relationship. It means that I'm important enough to him that he thinks about me when I'm not around. I think about him as well, but I'm not sure I'm as good at doing things for him that let him know that I care.

Ok, something to work on!

What do I love about myself?

I was on Twitter today as I often am, and came across someone Tweeting at Dove. They've had a campaign called Love your Body since 2006 if my Googling is correct. Dove's twitter stream posed this question last week: Love is on everyone’s mind this week, but we want to know – what do you love about yourself?

I thought it was a particularly pertinent question to ask! If you don't know the positive and excellent things about yourself, how will you be able to play to your strengths? How will you be able to be a strong and self-confident woman(or man)? We are always focusing on the negatives in our society(in my opinion), but never take the time to praise our own good qualities. As a teacher, I was taught that it takes something like 6 compliments to overcome the damage that one piece of criticism does. What does that mean we are doing to ourselves?

So, as a belated Valentine's post, here are the things I love about myself:

1. My smile! I have a smile that is always at the ready--for students, for friends, for loved ones. I am usually in a good mood, and it doesn't take much to make me smile. I'd like to think that it's infectious, but I'd have to consult other authorities on that. It's also an attractive smile! I have nice teeth and I'm not afraid to show them when I smile.

2. My shoulders! A much overlooked part of the body, in my opinion. My shoulders have just the right curve and are a nice creamy white color with freckles!

3. My ability to relate to just about anyone! I get along with all ages, from preschoolers all the way up to grandmas and papaws. I love listening to the little ones learn--it helps me remember being awed by knowledge. I love listening to the stories of my elders. They've lived through some interesting times!

4. My extensive vocabulary! I've never met a word I didn't love. I have a compulsion to read pretty much everything, and you hardly ever find me without a book in hand. I rarely come across new words that I don't know unless I'm playing at FreeRice.com. I rarely get a chance to use much of my vocabulary because I don't want to talk over people's heads. BTW, this applies mainly to the students with learning disabilities that I work with! I'm not trying to be arrogant.

5. My way with words! I am a good writer, a good public speaker, and I can say things in different ways so that my students with disabilities can better understand them.

6. My insistence on excellence! If it's worth doing, it's worth doing right. I tackle projects with enthusiasm, and I'm not afraid to re-do it if it isn't up to my standards. I love a good challenge!

7. My love of learning! I truly believe that when you quit learning, you start dying. There's not much in the world that gives me more pleasure than learning something new. I want to learn something new every day. Learning keeps me young and enthusiastic. I think there's very little I can't learn to do.

8. My feet! I know, strange thing to love about yourself, but I do love my feet. They are well-proportioned, in my opinion. I don't have hairy toes or anything! They're quite nice feet as feet go, if a little stinky sometimes.

9. My ability to keep loving, no matter how many times my heart gets broken! I've been dumped. I've been left. I've had friends who treated me badly. I've been betrayed. Sadly, these are all parts of life, and all parts of relationships. Despite that, I am able to get back up, dust myself off, and try again. I can love my exes for who they are and what they taught me. I have enough love to go around. There is room in my heart for many friends, for family and adopted family, and hopefully only one more significant other! LOL.

I am sure there are other things that I love about myself, but nothing is springing to mind at the moment. I may have to come back and make a list in my journal of 100 Things I love about myself.

What do you love about yourself? Please, please, please share!!

Cougar Town

Have I mentioned that my boyfriend is about 10 years younger than me? At first, it weirded me out. It's a significant age difference, and could potentially cause a lot of problems in a relationship. Plus, if I had gone into teaching right after I graduated college, I could have potentially been his teacher in middle school. Makes me think sometimes.

I quickly got over the age difference, and now it just amuses me. I don't think that anyone seeing us out together would guess that there is such an age difference. My boy's been able to grow a full beard since he was 14, so he looks older than he is. Plus(not that I would ever mention this to him), he has a little bit of a receding hairline. On the other hand, I get mistaken for being 4-5 years younger than I actually am. When I moved out to Los Angeles at 22, I got asked more than once if I had recently graduated from high school. I generally don't mind that, because I look old enough to be taken seriously, but still young enough to be young.

When my parents found out how young he was, I got called a cougar. Talk about embarrassing. My cousin and I had a serious debate about this topic and I maintain that there is not enough of an age gap or enough intention on my part to be called a cougar. A cougar should be 20 years or more older than her significant other, and have a pencheant for dating younger men. I am neither.

There are some things that have cropped up due to our age difference. Not issues, per se, but things that have made me think.

GeekBoy likes to drink. I have absolutely no problem with this. I've done my share of drinking. I honestly miss my Boozer Boys from the apartment building where I lived in California. We used to sit in the pool and drink. GeekBoy still likes to drink until he's stupid. It mostly gives me the impulse to join in. I am wound quite a bit more tightly than I should be most of the time, and drinking helps unwind me a bit. I do draw the line before I get stupid, generally!

I am ready to settle down. I want to get married, have a house, a yard, the whole nine yards. I am up in the air where kids are concerned. GeekBoy, on the other hand, not so much. He doesn't feel the urgency, doesn't feel like his time is limited for having children. If he decides that I'm the one he wants to spend the rest of his life with, our time is limited for having children.

Last night, he was talking about something, and I realized how young he is. Not in an age way, but in a way that things are still new, exciting, and inspiring to him. I feel jaded and it takes a lot to excite me. In that moment when he was talking about whatever subject that caught him, I envied him that ability to be excited and to feel the freshness of things that happen in his life still. At the same time, I find inspiration in that! If I can regain my own enthusiasm and inspiration through being with him, how amazing!

I thought I knew about relationships and what to expect. I thought I knew how to behave in a relationship. On a regular basis, GeekBoy challenges those expectations and teaches me something new. I thought I would be the teacher in the relationship, but I have learned so much from him in only 3 months. I look forward to all the things he has to teach me in the future.

I love being single!

Being bombarded with the message from every direction that I should be in a relationship, I have to stop and think about what I like about being single. So, here's my list:

I always get the remote control! I get to watch anything I want to, with nobody to fight with over which program is going to be on. Plus, I get to mute the commercials! No wrestling on my TV.

I get to spend all of my money on myself. Yeah, this is kind of a selfish thing. I'm not saying that I do spend all my money on myself at all. I love to buy gifts for my friends and family, something to make them smile.

I can travel whenever I want. I don't have to persuade someone to go somewhere with me or debate over where it is that we will go. I'm not saying that always happens--it's just been my experience!

I get the whole bed to myself! No snoring to wake me up. No one hogging the covers! No one rolling over in the middle of the night and whacking me with a knee or an elbow.

I don't have to clean up after anyone else. The mess I make is mine to clean up. Plus, I don't have to suit someone else with how clean my apartment is.

I can decorate however I want. None of those wagon wheel tables like the one in When Harry Met Sally! No "action figures" hanging on the wall, perched on shelves, or in nooks and crannies of the house.

A clean bathroom! I never have to worry about whether or not the toilet seat is up or down! No one misses the toilet seat while they're using it.

My time is mine. I can choose to stay in bed and read all day if I want. I don't have to persuade someone to go out(again, experience!) or debate where to go if we do go out. I can go ice skating or swimming or hiking without having to share the decision with someone else.

I can go to any movie I want. This actually isn't such a big deal for me. I love action, comedy, and sci-fi movies! I actually try to avoid going to the chick flicks any more.

I always get to pick where to eat. If I want to go out to eat, I go where I'm in the mood for. I don't have to nix places I don't like to eat. If I stay in, I make whatever I want, too!

Those are the ones that spring to mind right now. I will probably add to it as I think of more. I'd love to hear what other ladies think are the best things about being single, too.