Cougar Town

Have I mentioned that my boyfriend is about 10 years younger than me? At first, it weirded me out. It's a significant age difference, and could potentially cause a lot of problems in a relationship. Plus, if I had gone into teaching right after I graduated college, I could have potentially been his teacher in middle school. Makes me think sometimes.

I quickly got over the age difference, and now it just amuses me. I don't think that anyone seeing us out together would guess that there is such an age difference. My boy's been able to grow a full beard since he was 14, so he looks older than he is. Plus(not that I would ever mention this to him), he has a little bit of a receding hairline. On the other hand, I get mistaken for being 4-5 years younger than I actually am. When I moved out to Los Angeles at 22, I got asked more than once if I had recently graduated from high school. I generally don't mind that, because I look old enough to be taken seriously, but still young enough to be young.

When my parents found out how young he was, I got called a cougar. Talk about embarrassing. My cousin and I had a serious debate about this topic and I maintain that there is not enough of an age gap or enough intention on my part to be called a cougar. A cougar should be 20 years or more older than her significant other, and have a pencheant for dating younger men. I am neither.

There are some things that have cropped up due to our age difference. Not issues, per se, but things that have made me think.

GeekBoy likes to drink. I have absolutely no problem with this. I've done my share of drinking. I honestly miss my Boozer Boys from the apartment building where I lived in California. We used to sit in the pool and drink. GeekBoy still likes to drink until he's stupid. It mostly gives me the impulse to join in. I am wound quite a bit more tightly than I should be most of the time, and drinking helps unwind me a bit. I do draw the line before I get stupid, generally!

I am ready to settle down. I want to get married, have a house, a yard, the whole nine yards. I am up in the air where kids are concerned. GeekBoy, on the other hand, not so much. He doesn't feel the urgency, doesn't feel like his time is limited for having children. If he decides that I'm the one he wants to spend the rest of his life with, our time is limited for having children.

Last night, he was talking about something, and I realized how young he is. Not in an age way, but in a way that things are still new, exciting, and inspiring to him. I feel jaded and it takes a lot to excite me. In that moment when he was talking about whatever subject that caught him, I envied him that ability to be excited and to feel the freshness of things that happen in his life still. At the same time, I find inspiration in that! If I can regain my own enthusiasm and inspiration through being with him, how amazing!

I thought I knew about relationships and what to expect. I thought I knew how to behave in a relationship. On a regular basis, GeekBoy challenges those expectations and teaches me something new. I thought I would be the teacher in the relationship, but I have learned so much from him in only 3 months. I look forward to all the things he has to teach me in the future.

I like being single, but...

I really, really do like being single. No, I'm really not trying to convince myself of that fact. I am truly, deeply, sincerely happy being single. I like spending time with myself. I'm a pretty interesting person. I have lots of things that I enjoy doing by myself. Knitting, for one. Writing, for another. I could probably list quite a few things. I have made a list of things that I like about being single, in fact! You can find it here.

BUT I CAN'T STOP LOOKING AT MEN.

I know, I know. If I stop looking at men, I'd be a lesbian. Or possibly dead. I am allowed to find men attractive. I am allowed to wonder if they are single. Nothing wrong with either of those things at all. It would just make my life a lot easier if I didn't.

It would be easier if I didn't have to wipe the thought out every time it popped into my head. It would be easier if I didn't check for a wedding ring. It would be easier if I didn't worry about how I was dressed or how my hair looked every time I saw a guy I think cute. It's something I have to get out of the way.

On top of that, I know that looks are a very, very minor thing for me in the scheme of things. I've known some super sweet guys who were not lookers. I've known some hot guys who were total douchebags. They come in all shapes, sizes and combinations of personality and looks. The single most important quality for me in a man is someone that I continue to want to have conversations with for the rest of my life. This is not something I'm going to find just by looking at someone. That's the biggest reason that looking at men annoys me so much. I can't see what I'm looking for. It takes a lot longer to find.

Most of the time in Kentucky I don't get the chance to get to know anyone well enough to know if I want to date him or not. For one thing, most of the guys anywhere near my age are already married. For another, I think we've sunk into our internet usage(or video games, or TV, or whatever!) that we've unlearned how to meet people in public.

The biggest factor, though is this crazy phenomenon. Men in Kentucky seem to think that whenever you want to hang out with them, it means that you're crazy in love with them. Seriously, guys? That's kind of arrogant. Is there no way on God's green earth that I could just want to be friends with you? I'm sorry to burst your bubble, but you're not that irresistable!

Possibly, this is because Kentucky women are too cowardly to come out and tell a man that they like him. I'll grant that. I've been known to act like that in the past. However, I am now a mature adult. Unless you say to me that you would like to date me or make a move on me, I am going to assume that you don't have those feelings about me. Even if I might find you attractive or want to date you, I won't say a thing. I won't stalk you, won't try to kiss you, won't try to change your mind. You know that book He's Just Not That Into You? Started reading it, but quit because I realized I already subscribed to the philosophy within. If you're not interest of your own volition, I'm not either. As I mentioned before, I'm quite happy being single. I just like having friends, and I daresay there are some women out there who share my philosophy.

Now we have that out of the way, can we please just get to know each other?