Meet the Parents

Apparently, my family is intimidating. I can honestly say that I can't think of anyone who has ever reacted that way about my family before. I love to tell stories about my family. I think they are absolutely the most awesome relatives a girl could have. I have always known that I was well-loved, that I was valued, that I was important to quite a few people. Usually, people tell me that they would love to meet my family.

Not Geek Boy. He is seriously intimidated at the thought of meeting my family. Part of this is probably my fault. I don't really censor my stories when I tell him about them, whereas I do somewhat depending on who I'm talking to in other cases. When I talk to Geek Boy, I'm usually telling him about someone being ridiculous or something outrageous that someone has said.

I am absolutely convinced that he will like my family and that they will like him in return. I told him that they're like me, and his response was that while he can handle me, several of me might be beyond his limits! In addition, he's very concerned about impressing them. I think it's unbearably sweet that he's so worried about it.

One thing that I am worried about is the difference between our family dynamics. I adore my family. I love spending time with them, going on trips with them, talking to them, doing things for them. There is nothing I wouldn't do for my family.

His family, on the other hand, are stoic Germans. His description. He said that his mom doesn't display much emotion. I don't think that he is like her in that way. I haven't really thought much about meeting his family. He hasn't expressed a big desire for me to meet them yet. I think it's more because of the family dynamic than it is because of me! While I was writing this, it occurred to me that I'm most likely going to have to tone it down for any time that I spend with his family. I'm generally not as outrageous at first as I get down the road, though!

While I do want him to meet my family and for them to like each other, I'm not all that eager to hurry it along. I like being with Geek Boy and I like it being something that is mine, that my family is not necessarily a part of. I want to keep it to myself and hoard all the precious moments. Eventually, we'll have to open our circle and let other people in. But not yet.

A Purpose for Spares

I had this epiphany today while I was driving from my parents' house back to my apartment. Maybe it's not news to other singles out there, but it was to me. I'm muddling through this single life by myself right now.

I've mentioned several times that I have quite a few married moms who are friends. I used to have something against SAHMs(Stay-at-Home-Moms for those uninitiated). Not personally, but I tended not to have a lot in common with them. It seems that SAHMs are not as boring as they used to be! It's probably me that has changed, not them. I do find that my friends who are moms have plenty of other things to talk about.

I joke that if I ever have kids that I will be the most prepared mom there is! I have heard all about parenting trials, from the dirty diapers to the middle of the night sick kids and discipline problems in between. I enjoy hearing about the kid stuff. I want to talk about things that are of interest to you, and if your kids are one of those things, that's great. Because I like kids, too.

I find that somewhere in there, there is room for me. I believe that every mom needs a mother's helper. A lot of the moms I know have husbands who are at work in order to pay the bills. It's hard to be a mom by yourself and keep up with the household, etc. Then there's date night. One mom I know has parents who care for her kids in the evenings in the time between when she leaves for work and her husband gets off work. There are times when there is no one else to care for the kids.

That's where I come in. I'm an unofficial aunt for my friends with kids. I've done quite a bit of babysitting for my friends. I don't mind it. It's like having kids, but I get to give them back when it's over! It certainly satisfies any maternal instincts I might have!

However, there is an opportunity to be taken advantage of in all this. I haven't had it happen to me yet. I hope that my friends would realize that they were taking advantage before it ever happened. I hope that I would turn them down before it got to the point that I felt taken advantage of!

I don't know if other women feel the same way, but I am certainly happy to be an honorary aunt.

Where do you get emotional support?

As a single woman, I've found that emotional support is hard to come by. I think it's probably an issue that most people struggle with, but even more so as a single person. When you're married, you have a spouse, a partner, someone who is always around. Emotional support may or may not be there, of course, depending on the strength of the relationship. That person is always there, regardless, to talk about and to share their problems.

Being single, I feel reluctant to turn to my partnered friends for emotional support. They are too busy, too worried about their own problems and that of their family unit, whatever the size. I find myself turning to my parents for emotional support, especially my mother. I don't know what I would do without her. I call her up sobbing about once a week these days because I'm having trouble(to say the least) with my job hunt.

I've needed a lot of emotional support over the past few weeks. I feel like my job search is hopeless. I am constantly passed over for who knows what candidates. I feel very helpless, and that is not a situation where anyone feels good. So, I call my mother sobbing. She can't do anything for me. I know this. She listens anyway and convinces me that all is not hopeless, though. I wonder if I am ripping my mother's heart out each time I call. I try not to do it very often, but I do get to that point more frequently than I can cope with. I have a finite amount of money, and I don't want to be a financial burden to my parents as well as an emotional burden. I've been paying my way for 6 years, and it feels like I am going backwards in terms of development.

At the same time, I've begun wondering what I'm going to do when my parents aren't around anymore because I expect to still be single at that point. I don't expect to be able to look to my brothers for support in any way. I'm the responsible one, the one who manages her money.

Single ladies who might be reading: Who do you look to for your emotional support? I'd especially like to hear from women whose parents aren't around any longer. I want to know what to do when mine aren't around any more.