Being the Spare Wheel

I love my friends. I adore them. They are awesome in so many ways. They are there for me any time I need them. They let me sleep on their couch, cry on their shoulder, give me rides if I need them, and just generally support me as needed.



However, I am the lone Single Girl with a bunch of Marrieds for friends. Most of the time, that's fine. I see the husbands less often than the wives. I love their kids to pieces. I love being an honorary aunt.

I wrote a post some time last year about their being a purpose for spares. I still believe that. At the same time, being a spare can be deeply painful. This past Monday night was one of those instances for me.

I was at my knitting group. I love my knitting group. They are all very good friends. They are quirky and interesting and passionate. I don't know what I would do without them. No topic is off-limits, and we often get into some conversations that are really not fit for public discussion.

Somehow, somebody started talking about pregnancy symptoms, and an exchange of symptoms ensued. I had nothing to say. I've never been pregnant, and I don't know that I ever will be at this point. With the exception of one other lady at the table, I know that all of the other knit group members have given birth. I looked around and realized that I was the only single one there as well. I had to think about it when I got home, but I'm one of only two single ladies in the group. Everyone else is either married or in a long-term, serious relationship.

I sat there on Monday night and got more and more depressed as the conversation went on. No one was at all mean or in any way making me feel any less for not having children. No one mentioned the fact that I am single. No one really cares. Listening to these ladies talk about all the things missing in my life made it achingly painful. It brought to the forefront the issues I've been dealing with for the past couple of months since the demise of GeekBoy.

I went home, read a bit, talked to one of my few single friends, and felt better. It was another reminder of how out of place I feel, of how my life hasn't gone anywhere near the way I had always hoped and expected. I'm hoping that I can get back to that place soon where I am happy being single and "over" my last relationship. If I had been in that place, maybe I would not have been as affected by Monday night's conversation as I was.

A Purpose for Spares

I had this epiphany today while I was driving from my parents' house back to my apartment. Maybe it's not news to other singles out there, but it was to me. I'm muddling through this single life by myself right now.

I've mentioned several times that I have quite a few married moms who are friends. I used to have something against SAHMs(Stay-at-Home-Moms for those uninitiated). Not personally, but I tended not to have a lot in common with them. It seems that SAHMs are not as boring as they used to be! It's probably me that has changed, not them. I do find that my friends who are moms have plenty of other things to talk about.

I joke that if I ever have kids that I will be the most prepared mom there is! I have heard all about parenting trials, from the dirty diapers to the middle of the night sick kids and discipline problems in between. I enjoy hearing about the kid stuff. I want to talk about things that are of interest to you, and if your kids are one of those things, that's great. Because I like kids, too.

I find that somewhere in there, there is room for me. I believe that every mom needs a mother's helper. A lot of the moms I know have husbands who are at work in order to pay the bills. It's hard to be a mom by yourself and keep up with the household, etc. Then there's date night. One mom I know has parents who care for her kids in the evenings in the time between when she leaves for work and her husband gets off work. There are times when there is no one else to care for the kids.

That's where I come in. I'm an unofficial aunt for my friends with kids. I've done quite a bit of babysitting for my friends. I don't mind it. It's like having kids, but I get to give them back when it's over! It certainly satisfies any maternal instincts I might have!

However, there is an opportunity to be taken advantage of in all this. I haven't had it happen to me yet. I hope that my friends would realize that they were taking advantage before it ever happened. I hope that I would turn them down before it got to the point that I felt taken advantage of!

I don't know if other women feel the same way, but I am certainly happy to be an honorary aunt.