Who the Bleep did I marry?

I spent this past weekend at my aunt's house. My aunt is fantastic, and I could wax poetic about her. However, this particular post is about a trash TV show that we watched a marathon of. It's called "Who the Bleep Did I Marry," and it's about women who find out that their husband is a serial killer, serial rapist, or other unpleasant activity. One was a dentist who lost his license and ended up selling body parts that were not authorized.

The question in my mind the whole time is "How do you NOT KNOW that your husband is doing this?" I'm not sure I came to a conclusion, honestly. I can't say that I would not be equally as unaware. You spend a certain amount of time away from your significant other every day. If my boyfriend didn't talk about what he does every day, I wouldn't know. I would respect my partner's desire not to talk about his work. At the same time, I would find it suspicious.

A couple of the episodes featured women who turned their husbands in. These men would not have gotten caught if it weren't for the women helping the police. It made me wonder who I would turn into the police, my ex-boyfriends in particular. Only one truly came to mind! If I had known that he was doing something illegal, I'd have been at the police station in a heartbeat. That attitude is indicative of the relationship and the reason it ended, though.

The lesson here? Make sure you talk to your significant other enough to know what he or she does during the day!

Talking 'bout Lurve

Last year, I had a conversation on Twitter with a local guy about my blog and about love in general. He and I tweeted some back and forth, then had an email conversation. He'd read my blog and understood my point of view, but wanted to start a sort of counterpoint blog, one about looking for love. At the time, I was dating Geek Boy, and this guy is about the same age. He mentioned having a thing for a woman in his group about my age, so we had that aspect we shared.

Fast forward to a couple of months ago. The guy friended me on Facebook. Turns out that he works at the Panera where my knitting group meets. I am totally unobservant. We'd probably been friends on FB for a month or two before I actually looked at his pictures and realized that I'd seen him! I felt like a moron. He told me he hadn't said anything to me because he didn't want to be that creepy guy who was like "Um, yeah. I know you from online." He let ME be the creepy stalker chick and say "Hey, I know you from Twitter and Facebook!"

A couple of weeks ago, he was the one who took my order. We chatted quickly about blogging and the fact that he hasn't replied to my most recent email. I told him that I'd mostly quit blogging here because I didn't want to be one of those saccharine sweet people who gushes about how great his/her relationship is or how in loooooooooove they are.

I've been mulling over his response since then. He said that he couldn't imagine running out of things to write about love. In fact, he's got so much to say that he's started writing a book. That kind of knocked me sideways.

I guess I would admit to being a romantic. I read romance novels as a teenager. I feel like I have struggled with romance and love for a good percentage of my life. Part of my time I spent fighting against wanting it. Part of the time, I spent being depressed about it. At times, I was consumed with a break-up. Only a small portion of my life have I been able to relax and bend my energy toward other things in my life. I have been wholly consumed by the pursuit of love most of my life.

Being in love and loving someone is new. It's a daily journey. It's a process. It's a choice. It's hard work. I think I can find something to say about all that.

Date Rape and the novel Speak

Around the internet, there's been a lot of mention of the book Speak by Laurie Halse Anderson. I haven't read the book, and all I can say is what I've heard from others. The book is about date rape. It's quickly becoming one of the most frequently banned books. I made a mental note of it and decided to pick it up if I ever saw it somewhere.

Today I realized how close to home the subjects hits for me. I have never been the victim of date rape, but two of my friends were. One in high school, and another in college. My friend in high school was the pastor's daughter, and her boyfriend one of the guys in my youth group. All of a sudden, the other youth group kids were avoiding him and clustering around her. There were rumors flying. I wasn't sure who to believe, and I really didn't want to take sides. I kept hanging out with the guy until my parents asked me not to. In the end, she moved away to stay with relatives and he was left to wonder what happened and why people were nervous around him. I am still not sure what I believe, and how I feel about it 15 years later. Was it buyer's remorse? Was it miscommunication? I don't see how difficult no is to understand.

In college, my friend was dating this guy. They used to lie around in her bed, take naps together, and I believe they had even had sex previously. I lived in a Christian dorm, and that kind of behavior was unapproved, so to speak. I think that she had decided they should stop having sex and he forced the issue. She told me and a couple of other friends about it, but didn't report it to the head resident or anyone else. I didn't take it lightly, but I didn't do anything about it or think much more about it. My friend didn't really seem like she was very affected by the rape.

In the case of both of my friends, the support fell on the side of the girls, unlike the main character in Speak. One of the girls felt comfortable enough with the adults in her life to talk about what happened. One of the girls, not so much.

The aspect of date rape that is so insidious is the doubt. This girl is dating this guy, so on some level, she must want to sleep with him. It doesn't matter if she's not ready. It doesn't matter if she says no. She wants to sleep with him anyway. It has been said many, many times but in my opinion can't be said enough: No means no.

I don't think that I can even express how important it is to speak up, to speak out. Tell someone. Tell the story of your own date rape. Tell the story of your friend's, your sister's, your neighbor's date rape. Tell girls. Tell the boys. Each time, it increases the comfort level about the subject. Each time may save another girl from being a victim. You can also increase awareness of date rape by calling both your public library and your local high school library to request that they carry the book Speak.

A thoughtful man is a wonderful thing.

McManly is a really thoughtful man. He is good at predicting the things I'll like. I don't think that I'm as good at that where he's concerned.

I was at his house this week. I didn't work on Thursday or Friday, so I spent a lot of time there. He has installed a media system that he can work on his iPhone. He had gone out one day and I was taking a nap. When I woke up, I texted him. By the time I used the bathroom and went downstairs, he had put on a movie that he thought I would like.

I think it's super sweet. It's an absolutely tiny thing, but it means that he's thinking of me, thinking about the things I like. It means a lot to me in a relationship. It means that I'm important enough to him that he thinks about me when I'm not around. I think about him as well, but I'm not sure I'm as good at doing things for him that let him know that I care.

Ok, something to work on!

Quirky Girl Finds a Man

It's happened again. I met someone. It was unexpected and surprising. It was unwanted, to tell the truth. I was still recovering from having my heart broken by GeekBoy. Gladly, GeekBoy is a dwindling memory. There are still twinges of sadness at times when I hear a song that we listened to or watch a show that we enjoyed together. Most days, it seems like I've forgotten that GeekBoy ever existed. It makes my heart happy.

It took me a while, but I've finally come up with a nickname for the new boyfriend. He will from now on be referred to as McManly or maybe McMacho. He's a real man. He has a concealed carry license, and carries a Glock. It could be intimidating, but it makes me feel safe. He doesn't really cook, but he does clean. He's a MAN, where GeekBoy was not so much.

McManly and I have known each other for quite some time--about 16 years. We didn't know each other very well until we got back in touch in January. We went out to lunch for what he admitted he thought of as a one-time thing. It's turned into a regular date, then a relationship. I was more than a little hesitant after my broken heart--gun-shy as he likes to put it. I fought it for a while before I gave in and decided to try it out.

Obviously, it's gone smashingly! We went quickly from dating to being in a relationship. We talk nightly on the phone and see each other at least once a week. It feels strange to go without talking to him even one day now. I think he is amazing, and I hope that our relationship lasts for a long, long time!

I Make My Own Drama

That's been my motto recently. I don't need to hang out with anyone who already has it, because I supply quite enough of my own, thank you very much. That's not to say that you'll end up with drama if you hang out with me. Not at all!

I am not good at being friends with guys. I like having guy friends, but something always happens. Sometimes it's because I feel attracted to a friend. That's really quite rare, actually. More often it's because either I realize that a guy I know has a thing for me or I'm not sure what my guy friend wants from me.

The I'm not quite sure thing happened to me recently. I've been hanging out with and talking to a guy friend since February-ish. Someone I've known since high school and hadn't really talked to since then. We'll call him HS Guy. He's a super nice guy. He pays for me when we go out to eat or to the movies. We both enjoy science fiction and are moderately geeky.

I am usually somewhat a perceptive person where body language is concerned. Not with HS Guy. He doesn't touch me overmuch for the most part. He asked for a hug after one of the movies we went to together. And he put his hand on my knee while I was at his place one weekend. He never said anything about dating, but me with my drama. I have to know where I stand. Not just knowing how I feel about a particular guy, but how he feels about me.

Some guys will come out and tell you they're interested. Some guys will tell you that they're interested in a Friends with Benefits relationship. Some will hint so strongly that you know they're interested. And some...some just keep their mouths shut. Those are the ones that make me nervous. Those are the ones that I push the issue with, subtly.

In the end, it turns out that he's content just the way I am in the relationship. Friends until one of us decides for sure that they're interested in making it into something else. I had to make it so much more difficult than it really had to be an stir up drama. I'm quite relieved to have it out in the open and taken care of, though!

I Will Never Be Lonely

I'm an introvert. In my opinion, the best definition for an introvert vs. an extrovert is that introverts get their energy from being by themselves while extroverts get their energy from being with others. I think that most people who know me well are not surprised by this. I am a social butterfly for a while, then I drop off the radar. I could have quite happily gone all week this week without talking to anyone or seeing anyone.

I worry sometimes that this tendency will offend some of my friends. I don't think that my the people who know me well will be offended. I never want to push the issue, though! At the same time, I have to put myself first. I have to take my time to myself to recharge and gather my energy for the next group of people to spend my time with.

I have come to the conclusion in the past couple of days that I have too many friends. I never in my life thought I would ever say that! I value each and every friend I have. I don't ever want any of my friends to think that they are not precious to me. They are absolutely fantastic. I don't know what I would do without them.

But please, no more, ok? I know I'm awesome(said with humility and irony, of course!), but I have to be careful to balance my time with my friends with my time by myself. I want to give my friends my best energy, my best time, my best self. If I meet any more friends, I think I will reach a tipping point and won't be able to balance it any more.

That being said, it means that there is absolutely no room in my life for a significant other. If I feel like I can't handle any more friends, how is a guy going to be any different? Maybe there is someone out there who would make me feel energized by being with him. I don't discount that. I just can't imagine that person right now.

This is who I was before Geek Boy. I think I'm back to being that person again. I won't re-name my blog again, but I think it should be Quirky Single Girl again...